I've been thinking about reviving the blog lately. A few gentle nudges from twitter friends have helped- a reminder that people may occasionally click that link to my 'blog' and realize I've got NOTHING to say.
What really brought me back?
A need to speak, I guess. National Infertililty Awareness Week is this week and they are running a Bust a Myth blog challenge. Reading those many posts, by men and women who are using their voices to speak about their challenges and triumphs while dealing with infertility have inspired me.
These two posts, in particular, inspired me.
Bust An Infertility Myth: I Am Not A Broken Woman
Busting the stress less, pray more myths!
This journey has been one of a lot of pain and heartache, but also one of self-discovery and growth. My husband and I are probably closer than we would have been if everything had been 'easy'. It has challenged my definition of success as a woman, of my definition of my worth as a woman. Thems fighting words for an all-girls school graduate and professional woman.... that when it is all stripped away, at my core, I believed somehow I was less of a woman for my inability to have children.
It has challenged my faith - not in a 'do I believe?' sort of way, but in a 'put your money where your mouth is' and 'walk the walk' sort of way. It's easy to say you trust God. It is easy to say 'Let Go, Let God'. They are all just words until you are faced with a reality that God didn't promise you good times. He didn't promise you a child, a family, a 'happily ever after'. This isn't quid pro quo.
I haven't really decided if I'm going to participate with a specific MythBusting blog post of my own before the week is out, but the unintended consequence of the challenge was to help me overcome the activation energy of reviving the blog. One can only hope that I can keep it going with other posts on other topics.
Even if no one else is listening.
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A friend who is a professional writer once told me, "We write to find our way back to ourselves." I hold that in my heart everytime I think no one is listening or that what I say doesn't matter. YOU MATTER. And your experiences matter. And many couples have dealt with this. You are NOT a broken women. And yes - you DID give up many of your "prime" child bearing years to get an education and to be a nephrologist.
ReplyDeleteAll these choices we made come back to haunt us long into our lives -- the "what ifs I's"and the "I should haves"... and of course the praying for a healing reduces what prayer is all about. Because I BELIEVE in prayer but not that we command god.
Thank you for sharing and being brave enough to blog again. WE ARE LISTENING. And what you say MATTERS.
xo
M
i agree.we all listen cause we re all in the same boat.
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