Arghgh

Okay, so I really did have great intentions of writing a few blog posts by now.
I even planned out a few blog posts in my head while driving to work. I just neglected to actually, you know, write them.
        
                  Just a quick aside: I used to do this with thank you notes after holidays and such... I'd think about exactly what I would write, so often, in fact, that I occasionally thought I had actually written the damn thing. Really. So if you have been waiting over a year for a thank you note - please keep in mind I really enjoyed that gift. So much so that I wrote an imaginary card back to you. 


As usually happens, it is late in the evening when I think about writing, and I should be getting to bed - so maybe just a few quick entries on some things I've been enjoying lately:

• CraftLit Podcast. Genius. How sad am I that I just recently discovered this? Very sad - and yet, quite happy that I have many back episodes to listen to. If you love to read, and you are also a knitter/crocheter, etc. I encourage you to take a look at the website and start listening with episode 192-193 to begin the most recent novel (or go back further to a novel that strikes your fancy.  http://crafting-a-life.com/craftlit/?page_id=243
• PocketCasts Iphone app - a great little app that lets you know when new podcast episodes are up, allows you to listen as streaming audio or download directly, and has option to delete them when you are done listening. As someone who only gets around to syncing iphone to itunes once a week or less, I was always behind on listening to podcasts. Now, it is my primary audio accompaniment to my daily communte. I'm thinking of canceling my car XM radio because bluetooth audio + PocketCasts = entertainment. 
• Ass Kisser 2007 Shiraz. Yum. http://www.roclandestate.com/ass_kisser.htm

I've got some fibery goodness to share too... but that would require photos, flickr, etc and I'm just not up to it at the moment. Maybe before the end of June this time?!

Funny what will bring you back...

I've been thinking about reviving the blog lately. A few gentle nudges from twitter friends have helped- a reminder that people may occasionally click that link to my 'blog' and realize I've got NOTHING to say.

What really brought me back?
A need to speak, I guess. National Infertililty Awareness Week is this week and they are running a Bust a Myth blog challenge. Reading those many posts, by men and women who are using their voices to speak about their challenges and triumphs while dealing with infertility have inspired me.
These two posts, in particular, inspired me.
Bust An Infertility Myth: I Am Not A Broken Woman
Busting the stress less, pray more myths!

This journey has been one of a lot of pain and heartache, but also one of self-discovery and growth. My husband and I are probably closer than we would have been if everything had been 'easy'. It has challenged my definition of success as a woman, of my definition of my worth as a woman. Thems fighting words for an all-girls school graduate and professional woman.... that when it is all stripped away, at my core, I believed somehow I was less of a woman for my inability to have children.

It has challenged my faith - not in a 'do I believe?' sort of way, but in a 'put your money where your mouth is' and 'walk the walk' sort of way. It's easy to say you trust God. It is easy to say 'Let Go, Let God'. They are all just words until you are faced with a reality that God didn't promise you good times. He didn't promise you a child, a family, a 'happily ever after'. This isn't quid pro quo.

I haven't really decided if I'm going to participate with a specific MythBusting blog post of my own before the week is out, but the unintended consequence of the challenge was to help me overcome the activation energy of reviving the blog. One can only hope that I can keep it going with other posts on other topics.

Even if no one else is listening.