Homage to Woody Guthrie

Why, Oh Why. look it up... it's a woody guthrie song. 

Why, Oh Why do I do this to myself (admit it, you do it, too). Play that What If game... that Oh, Maybe If game.
Like:
What if I sleep 9 hours, take the right supplements, meditate with just the right audio track (available for  $59.00, that's right, just $59.00 for the next 30 minutes) - maybe THEN I'll get pregnant.
What if I start tracking temps again - maybe THEN I'll get pregnant.
What if I eat pineapple and stand on my head.
What if I don't think about it at all.
What if I just pray harder.
What if I.... . 

There are so many anecdotal stories and  products or plans for sale on the internet - shrink your fibroids with wheatgrass, restore your ovulation with Chaste berry. Just eat these foods, just stop eating those foods. Stop 'worrying' about it - Susie's cousin got pregnant when she was 45, she just stopped having sex and then, wouldn't you know it?! Pregnant.

With every one of those stories I hear, one part of my brain dismisses it and picks it apart (I do have an engineering and medical degree, after all) and one part of my heart latches on and tries to convince the remaining part of my brain to rationalize just a little harder that maybe, just maybe, THAT might work.
Because, really, despite trying for 4 years, having multiple medical interventions and actually transferring a real, live, functional embryo into my uterus - it was probably just a wheatgrass, pineapple and meditation deficiency.

It's sad, really, that my desperation, sadness and trials are big business for someone out there - the fertility doctors, the health-food practitioners, the internet 'fertility' experts. It's sad that I'm bitter about it - because these things really do work for some people.... they just don't work for me.

So I keep reading the suggestions - and try to pick and choose the things that might make me healthier anyway and do those.

Sleep more? Yes.
Pray and meditate more to relieve stress and develop character? Yes.
Avoid Gluten? Yes.
Exercise more? Yes.
Appreciate daily the blessings I have? Yes.
Develop outside interests, express my feelings and love my husband? Yes, Yes and YES.
Drink wheatgrass? Well, if it tastes good and I like it, sure, why not.

I'm just not counting on any of this stuff getting me pregnant.

More knitting... less nephron

For a while, I will be a little more knitting- a little less nephron. A welcome break in my work life may allow me to get started again on the blog as I intended it to be - some random ideas and observations - since I have more time to actually POST.

One of the things that got me inspired to post again was this new blog: InfertylMyrtle - also can be found as a facebook page: Infertyl-Myrtle's Facebook page, which I like especially for the quotes/photos she has posted. A little inspiration for the journey. I waxed a little poetical on a comment on her blog, with far too many analogies to be tolerated by most normal people. Point being, I'm finding myself at a bit of a crossroads and trying to find my way forward. To borrow lyrics from Sara Bareilles' song Uncharted : Compare where you are where you wanna be and you'll get nowhere

To throw another quote at you from Andre Gide: "One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time"

Since I've also recently moved, this has literal and figurative meaning for me at  the moment.

Alright on to the mundane.... 
A New Find: at the grocery store- Coconut/Almond Milk blend! It's better than either of them alone and finally a more reasonable option to dairy milk for Muesli or when you just need a glass of milk (paleo-brownies, I'm looking at you)
Almond Breeze Coconut-Almond milk blend!

Recipe:  The aforementioned paleo-brownies... the center is the best if you accidentally overcook them like I did
BakerGal's chewy paleo brownie recipe


Yes, I know... brownies are NOT technically paleo. I get that. honey = sugar. I don't actually care. I like my chocolate now and then and figure this is better than 'real thing' nutritionally speaking. 

See, wasn't that fun? (I'm sort of talking to myself since no one actually, ahem, reads this blog....) 

maybe less than a year before my next post? Here's hoping....